Metrorail Guards To Hand Out Lollipops In Conjunction With Fines

A team leader in the metro rail fines team has had a recent epiphany that they are excited to share with Melbourne residents.

“One day I woke up and realised that my whole existence revolves around making our community miserable. Whilst this personally gives me infinite joy everyday I know that some of the team is somewhat more human in nature.”

“So after one particularly successful day of ruining people’s happiness we put our heads together to see how we could turn those frowns upside down”

“The last time I personally remember smiling was when I was 8 years old and my mother had given me a lollipop. That’s when I had the idea.”

Regular commuter Jonathan on the 96 tram shared his thoughts on the idea;

“I’ve always considered metrorail staff to be the scum of the earth. Their constant campaign of terrorising commuters has hampered my free loading efforts for as long as I can remember.

I’m pretty psyched by this initiative though. I mean, doing the maths I’ve always saved money by not loading my Myki card and instead just copping the fine every so often. Now, I’ll get a lollipop as well to celebrate my genius”.

We’ll report back on the success of this initiative.

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